Escape from Camp yay happy fun extra smiley land!
by Ultraviolet Lemur
Summary: Woo! Everyone loves camp, right?
1. Chapter 1

Yay! Behold, the wonderul naruto Fanfic! Read and review! Please! Also, please forgive me if I mess up spelling or terminology. Last but not least, Naruto is not mine. None of them are in fact, which makes me very sad.

"Ninja camp my..."

The group of chuunin stared up at the sign above them, which read "Camp yay happy fun extra smiley land!" They should have known that a smiling Kakashi was never good news. But, when he had come to the group of newly passed ninjas they had all been too tired from the stupid test to run away. Not that they hadn't tried when he had informed them that since they had passed that test and gone through the whole Orochimaru thing, they were being shipped of to a "Ninja camp" to relax. However, despite Naruto's shadow doubles running off in every direction, Gaara's sand flying everywhere, Shino's bugs buzzing around, and Ino and Sakura's tantrums, they had still been stuffed in a giant bus which had taken them here and forcibly shoved them out the door. Whereupon we get back to where we were.

"Ninja camp my..." began Naruto, before he was smacked on the head by Sakura.

"Hey! Don't use words like that in front of a lady, baka!" she snapped at him.

"I have to agree, this doesn't look like anything to do with learning to be a shinobi." said Sasuke unhappily.

"Ugh, me have to do this camp thing. How troublesome." said Shikamaru.

Neji merely started banging his head against a tree.

"P,perhaps it won't be so bad?" said Hinata hesitantly.

"I bet it will be fun!" said someone next to her. Everyone whirled to stare at the source of the unknown voice. Well, everyone except Gaara, who fell over due to the weight of the giant gourd on his back and fell into the lake. The stranger was a girl, not short exactly, but built on a smaller scale than the others. She had long light blue hair in a braid down her back and sea green-grey eyes. She wore a tight powder blue kimono with thigh high slits up the sides to allow for freedom of movement. It ended just above the waist save for a bit that crept up over her shoulders to end in a pair of long flowing sleeves. Underneath she wore a darker blue shirt, for obvious reasons. Her kunai holder was strapepd midway down her thigh, and she wore an overfull scroll holder strapped over her back. More scrolls and a large fan in flame colored shades of silk hung in a sash from her waist.

"Who are you?" demanded Sasuke, his hand going to his kunai.

"I'm Mika?" she said with a smile.

"Well what are you doing here then?" he asked suspiciously.

"I was on a tour of Konoha, and I wandered off from the tour group and your crazy sensei shoved me into the bus with you people." she said. "I'm from the Village of Magma. See?" she twirled to show a forehead protector with a stylization of an erupting volcano tied just above her braid.

"But, Kakashi would know who actually lived in the village, and besides, we don't give tours anyway," began Naruto. Mika smacked him with the fan.

"Silence! Do not mess with the author's explanation!" she snapped.

"The what?" asked Sasuke.

However, at just that moment a person who is not a blatant attempt at a distraction showed up at the gates.

"Hi!I'm a blatant attempt at distraction, I mean a camp counselor! I'm here to make sure your stay at Camp yay happy fun extra smiley land is the best time ever! I know we're going to have lots of fun together!" she said perkily, while Sasuke, Neji, and Gaara imagined ways to kill her in her sleep. "You like, totally need to come on in now!" she squealed happily beckoning them in. They all came in. the doors slammed behind them, as they stared, dumbstruck.

"So...many...smiley faces." shuddered Sasuke curling into a fetal position while Ino and Sakura fought a silent battle over who would get to comfort him.

"Hey, who are you smiling at? Do you think you're better than me?" said Naruto to a a particularly large grinning face, which. "Oh, not saying anything huh? I'll make you acknowledge me!" he snapped.

"Wow! This place is so great! I love it here!" yelled Lee happily. "Gai sensei, I will do my best to have youthful fun here for you!"

Meanwhile..."Hello?" called Gaara, floating in the lake, being buoyed up by his giant gourd. "Hello? Anyone? I live in a desert, I don't know how to swim! Hello?"

"So, let's see here, since we got here, Sakura and Ino have beat each other up, Sasuke is curled up and babbling about smiley faces, Shino is talking to ladybug, and Naruto is getting beat up by a painted smiley face. This is going to be fun!"said Mika.

"Now, eveyone, listen up! The boys are going to stay in the boys dormitory over there, and the girls will stay in that one there! Don't go sneaking into each other's dormitories, you naughty little scamps you!" said the counselor, waving a finger at them. "There are six beds in each room!"

"But...there are more boys than girls. There won't be enough beds for us." pointed out Neji.

"I'm sure you'll work something out! You can be creative! But now, we're going to go have a happy dinner together and introduce ourselves so we can all be good friends!" she said, skipping happily up to "the mess hall isn't it nice, we eat here yay!"

She seated them all at a big round table with the ever-present smiley face painted on it. "Now, before the food gets here let's all go around and introduce ourselves!"

"But, we already know each other." said Naruto

"SHUT UP AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF!" the counselor screamed. She smiled happily at the stunned group. "Why don't you with the pretty pink hair go first? I love pink!"

"Umm, my name is Sakura, I come from the Village of Leaves, and I like Sasuke...'s yelling at that annoying Naruto!" she stammered hurriedly when she noticed the object of her affections staring at her oddly. "You go next pig Ino!" she snapped at the blond girl next to her.

"My name's Ino, and I'm a sexy ninja from the Village of Leaves. I don't like Sakura with her ugly forehead, but I do like you Sasuke!" she said blowing him a kiss.

"How troublesome, I have to introduce myself. I'm Shikamaru from the Village of Leaves."

"M, my name is Hinata. I'm also from the Village of Leaves. I like...umm. A certain person." stuttered Hinata shyly, blushing.

"Aww, you're so cute!" squealed Mika, tackleglomping her. The others ignored this disturbance and went on with the introductions.

"My name is Shino. I'm from the same village as everyone but Gaara's group and Mika, so I won't bother repeating it. I look mysterious because I wear dark glasses and pull my coat up so you can't see my mouth. I hate Americans because they make me sound stupid with their dubs. I like bugs. This camp is like bug, in that it"

Naruto interrupted him, to everyone's relief. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm going to be the best ninja ever! I'll be even greater than the Hokage! I like ramen, playing tricks on people, ramen, ramen, ramen, clown faces and ramen! I hate Sasuke and people who steal my spotlight, which is why I always shout everything and make lots of noise!" he yelled.

"My name is Sasuke. I,"

"No, I'm not done yet! Stop stealing my spotlight!" yelled Naruto, who was hit over the head by Ino, Sakura, and Temari who all yelled "STOP INTERRUPTING SASUKE-KUN!"

But by then it was too late, Choji had already begun introducing himself. "My name is Choji. I like to eat. When do we get food?"

"My name is Lee, the beautiful green beast of the forest! I like training, Gai sensei, and SAKURA! ONE DAY I WILL WIN YOUR LOVE!" he yelled jumping up on the table and blowing little pink hearts at her.

"Stop doing that!" she snapped, dodging them.

"My name is Tenten. I like throwing weapons at things, pandas, and Neji." she noticed the odd look she was getting from Neji. "As a friend, in a friendly relationship of friends being friendly to other friends!" she said hurriedly.

"Um, my name is Kabuto and can someone please tell me what I'm doing here? Eep!" the white haired sound ninja ducked as a hail of kunai, shurikens, flew over his head.

"Okay, this has gone far enough!" snapped Sasuke. "It's bad enough that some one got here on the bus with an unbelievable story which for some reason I feel strangely disinclined to dispute right now, but you! You're an evil spy for Orochimaru,and I know you weren't on the bus! It's as though some omnipotent being has dropped you here among us simply so she can include her favorite character!"

"Um, well," he said standing up, "I was just sitting at home watching Firefly, when suddenly I was here and everyone was introducing themselves please don't kill me!" he said ducking again as Sasuke picked up a kunai with meaningful intent. Mika looked up from an animated conversation with Tenten about pandas.

"Sasuke, you can't kill off the characters, it would," she paused when she saw Kabuto. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" and went flying over the table to tackleglomp the poor unsuspecting ninja. Sasuke sighed.

"Oh fine." he said reluctantly, as Kabuto pulled himself to his feet, his hair severely messy and his glasses and head protector cocked at an angle, the adoring Mika clinging to him.

"Right then! I'm glad you're so happy! That's what we're here for, to be happy friends! On with the introductions!" squealed the counselor.

"I'm Kiba. This is my dog Akamaru." he said. "I like dogs." Akamaru yipped. "And Akamaru says that if you have any single lady poodles he," Kiba paused. "No, bad Akamaru! Not until you're older!"

"My name is Kankuro. I'm from the Village of Sand. I have kitty ears and I don't know why."

"I'm Neji. There's nothing else you really need to know about me, so I see no point in going on."

"I'm Temari. I'm from The Village of Sand. I," she was interrupted as the doors slammed open

"WHY DIDN'T ANYONE COME GET ME? I WAS STUCK FLOATING IN THAT LAKE! I HAD TO HITCH A RIDE IN TO SHORE WITH A PAIR OF TURTLES!" he yelled.

"But were they _sea_ turtles?" asked someone.

"Why hello! Why don't you introduce yourself?" said the counselor as cheerfully as ever. Gaara started to make the hand motion that would bury the instructor in sand, but stopped when everyone made frantically shook their heads,make throat slicing motions and mouthed "No! She's the scariest thing ever!"

"Fine. I'm Gaara. I hate everything and I don't like anything." he annoyedly.

"Not even...your teddy bear?" asked Temari holding it up.

"Gah! Give that back!" snapped Gaara, snatching it.

"Okay, just one person left!" said the counselor brightly.

"Um, hi! I'm Mika. I'm from the village of magma. I like sugar, causing chaos, and setting things on fire!" she grinned, causing everyone to back away slightly. She looked slightly awkward. "Um, look, it's the food! Let's all focus on it!" So after they finally had dinner, the camp counselor hurried them off to their various cabins.


	2. Chapter 2

Nope, Naruto is still not mine. sob Please read and review. Reviews make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Also, if you review, I am inspired to write even more! You want that, right?

"Wow!" said Sakura happily, looking at the inside of the cabin. Outside it wasn't much to look at, but the inside was much better, with huge beds, a minibar with a microwave and a small fridge, a plasma TV hanging on the wall, and a luxurious bathroom off to the side. The girls happily piled onto their beds, to change into their pajamas and talk.

"So, isn't Sasuke the hottest?" giggled Sakura. "I wonder if he likes me? Sometimes he acts like it, but he never talks, so it's so hard to tell!"

"Yeah, it's the same with Neji. I can never tell if he likes me or not. But he's so hot! I wish I knew." said Tenten.

"Hey Sakura, you can't have Sasuke, I want him!" said Ino.

"Oh come on, we all know that you and Shikamaru should be an item." said Mika.

"Shikamaru? Hmmm." said Ino thoughtfully. "That might work, if there was some sort of omnipotent being with a Shikamaru/Ino agenda. He's not too bad, even if he is lazy."

"And what about you Hinata?" asked Mika. "We all know you like Naruto."

"Am, am I that obvious?" she asked blushing. "I, I really like Naruto, but he never seems to notice me..."

"Aww, but you're so adorable I'm going to help you out." said Mika. "Come here." She whispered something in Hinata's ear. "That'll work for sure." she assured her.

Meanwhile the boys were going into their cabin.

"Wow." said Sasuke unenthusiastically. The room was small and dingy, with a single flickering light bulb, three bunk beds, and a small bathroom through a side door. There was a brief battle for who would get a bed, ending with Sasuke, Gaara, Neji, Shino. Kiba, and Shikamaru in possession of a bed.

"Umm, why do I have to sleep under a bed?" asked the muffled voice of Kabuto from under Sasuke's bunk.

"Because Lee's in the bathtub, Naruto's in the sink, and there's no more room on the floor. Also because you were an evil spy for Orochimaru."

" You're sure there's no more room on the floor?"

"Yes. Shut up."

"Because it looks like there is."

"Well there isn't."

"It's dusty down here."

"Too bad."

Sasuke and Neji started talking about stuff.

"So, that byakugon's pretty cool to have huh?"

"Oh yeah, I can see through stuff."

"Really? All the sharingan does is let me copy other jitsu and stuff like that."

"Yeah, it's great."

"So, can you see through everything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, say, clothes maybe?"

"Oh, that. It sure can. And walls."

"So is that why you're always staring at Tenten, and in the direction of her house?"

"Oh yeah. That girl's hot."

"So she's your girlfriend huh?"

"Yeah. Well, she will be. I'll tell her eventually. Right now though, I'm just beating up anyone who looks at her."

"I see. Pretty much the same with me and Sakura."

Hmm, we've spent a long time with Sasuke and Neji. Let's go see Lee and Naruto!

"Sakura! One day I will win your love!"

"No, I will! She'll be all 'Oh Naruto, you're hokage now, I think that's the greatest thing ever!'

"No, she will love me, for I am the beautiful yet mysterious green beast of Konoha! Nothing could be better than Sakura!"

"Yeah, nothing except ramen!" Sorry, let's go try Gaara instead. Nevermind, he's sleeping. With his teddy bear. Awww, how cute! Let's try Choji.

"Food. snore So much food." Okay, I give up.

Suddenly, there was a loud scream from the girl's dormitory. "EEEK! It's a huge spider! HELP!" Shino came awake and ran out the door.

"Yay, bugs!"

"I"ll save you Sakura!" yelled Lee.

"I'd better go make sure they don't break anything." said Neji, walking slowly out the door.

"I'm not letting them be better than me in this battle against the monster spider!" yelled naruto running out.

"Ugh, I have to go save them. How troublesome." sighed Shikamaru, walking out the door.

"I don't know why I'm going but I might get to see Sakura in a nightgown." said Sasuke.

"Anything to get out from under the bed!" said Kabuto.

And thus the boys arrived at the girls' cabin. However, alas, to their great woe, there was no spider! How were they supposed to play the gallant rescuers without a vicious beast from which to save the fair damsels?

"Umm, where did the spider go?" asked Naruto.

"Shino already got it. But you can still come in if you'd like." the girls giggled and that was when the boys realized that, in preparation for sleep, they were all wearing just a T shirt and boxers, and some of them just in boxers (yay gratuitous fan service!)

"Oh crap!" thought Sasuke. "I'm not wearing a shirt! And there's girls around! Lots of girls. And Sakura. Wow, she sure looks pretty in that nightgown. And she just invited me inside.No you idiot, you're not wearing a shirt! But, Sakura in a nightgown...Yeah, that definitely beats everything, get in there!" Sasuke walked in boldly, as though he did this sort of thing everyday. Neji, not to be outdone, followed his example. And then the rest of the boys just shrugged and followed them in.

"Hey! How come the girls get such a better room than us?" said Naruto indignantly.

"Because they're girls stupid. They can't spend the night in a dirty cabin like ours." said Shikamaru lazily.

"Huh? That doesn't make any sense." said Naruto.

"Hey! How dare you suggest that these fragile blossoms should spend a night in anything but the utmost luxury? Oh Gai sensei, I must show this Naruto the error of his ways, lest he spoil his youthfulness with stupidity!" yelled Lee striking a pose.

But by then Naruto was off in a corner sulking.

"Hmph, when I'm the Hokage, I'll have an even better room than this." he muttered.

"N, Naruto-kun?" asked a trembling voice, almost whispering. He looked up to see Hinata, in a silky silver nightgown, holding a steaming bowl of something. "I, I brought you some ramen. I thought maybe we could eat it together?" she asked blushing. Naruto leapt up and hugged her.

"Ramen! I love you Hinata, you're the best!" he yelled. Hinata blushed even more and smiled. Meanwhile, Mika grinned to herself.

"Ah yes, phase one of the plan to get people together is going perfectly! Now for phase two!" she said to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Yay! This chapter is full of fluffy fluffy fluff!

"Oh no! The zombies are attacking? And the pirates and the ninjas and this giant shark and Mothra! Will someone save me?"

"Never fear! I, the prince of cough cough shall ride in on Godzilla and save you!

"Oh yes! Fight off the monsters and save me!"

"Ah yes, all goes according to plan." muttered Mika. "A scary yet romantic movie has been put on that's sure to work like a charm for my plan! And now to put the moves on Kabuto!"

"Oooh, Sasuke, this part is so scary!" said Sakura, who was sitting on the couch next to Sasuke. "If zombies attacked us, would you defend me with your number one rookie ninja skills?"

"Yeah, I guess so." said Sasuke.

"Oh, you're _soooo_ brave." said Sakura, snuggling in close to him and pulling his arm around her.

"Score!" thought Sasuke.

"Noo! Sakura! Do not fall for the charms of another in your youthfulness! I will save you and you will love me forever!" yelled Lee, diving towards Sasuke.

"Hey look, isn't that Gai sensei?" asked Sasuke pointing.

"Gai sensei? Where?" yelled Lee, turning in midair with rainbows in his eyes. Sasuke punched him out of the air where he hit the wall ans slid down it, muttering about migrating coconuts.

"Oh Sasuke, you're always defending me." said Sakura giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"SCORE!" thought Sasuke.

Meanwhile Tenten was sitting next to Neji.

"Um, what do you think of the movie?" she asked.

"Meh."

"I've never seen it before."

"Meh."

"I sort of like it."

"Meh."

"I guess you don't like it?"

"Meh."

"Yes, me neither, it's sort of silly."

"Meh."

"Maybe we could go do something else?" she asked hopefully.

"Nah, let's just stay here and make out." said Neji

"Wha? Mmph." Tenten's surprised remark was muffled as Neji leaned forward to kiss her.

Naruto and Hinata were sitting on the counter watching to movie and eating a bowl of ramen together. As they ate, they both started sucking up the same noodle, which pulled their lips together in a kiss. Hinata blushed. Naruto grinned at her.

"You know Hinata, you're really cute when you do that." which caused her to blush even more.

Kiba was sitting with Akamaru, having a chip eating contest with his dog. Ten empty chip bags and three liter bottles of soda lay in a pile next to him.

"Wow, that was good! I wonder if all that caffeine, sugar, and salt all in one go affected me? Nah. Oooh, look, penguins!" he said happily watching them fly past.

"The pink ones are my favorite!" said a voice next to him. He turned to see a blond ninja in pink sitting next to him playing with Akamaru.

"Who are you? I know two people who weren't supposed to come along ended up here, but this is ridiculous!" he said.

"Why, I'm Amaria of course." she said striking a pose.

"Uh huh. And where are you from and what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm from the hidden village of sexy!" she said, flinging herself across him. "And I'm a sugar induced hallucination of course. What, you think I could have gotten on the bus and come all the way here without being noticed? That would just be silly!" she laughed. "But enough of that, let's kiss!"

"This is the best night of my life!" thought Kiba with a grin.

"Hah! All is going according to plan." though Mika to herself. "Sakura and Sasuke are snuggling, Neji and Tenten are kissing, Shikamaru has decided it's not to troublesome to hold hands with Ino and let her hug him, and Naruto and Hinata are feeding each other ramen. Now for phase two!" She edged over until she was sitting next to Kabuto.

"Hi!"

"What is it?" he asked, sounding slightly suspicious.

"Umm, wanna do make out and do romantic stuff like everyone else is?" she asked with a hopeful grin.

"No, I'm too evil for that. Now go away, I need to plot and be mysterious." he said.

"Oh, he doesn't like me!" she sniffled, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh well, I'll just find someone who does! Hmm, Gaara's pretty cute, and he's not paired up with anyone. Yet"

Suddenly, the cabin shook as though from giant steps. Everyone froze.

"Ahhh! It's Godzilla! Don't worry Hinata, I'll protect you!" said Naruto leaping up.

"Oh, Naruto-kun." said Hinata gazing up at him. However, it was not Godzilla, but the scary camp counselor.

"Do I hear BOYS in there!" she yelled, breathing fire. "That is AGAINST THE RULES! Own up! Are there any boys in the girl's cabin." There was silence.

"Um, no?" yelled Mika.

"Oh, well ok then! You kids have fun!" she called back cheerfully. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Eventually everyone was so tired they fell asleep right where they were. (yes, there are boys and girls sleeping in the same room. No, nothing's happening you perverts! You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!)

Meanwhile, far away...

"Kakashi sense tingling! Do I sense my students breaking some gender separation rules? Oh, I'm so proud of them!" yelled Kakashi tears streaming down his face. "I shall celebrate by going and buying one of my 'special' novels!"

Back to the camp.

"He he he, everyone is asleep." A person with curly brown hair and glasses snuck out of the closet. "Now I, the secret hermit of Camp yay happy fun extra smiley land, wow that's a mouthful, shall steal their snacks!" she snatched an armful of chips and then fled back to the close, laughing evilly all the way. "Ouch! Why didn't I leave the stupid door open?" This time she remembered to open the door before going through.


	4. Chapter 4

They were awakened the next morning by a loud bell clanging inside the room. They all leapt up, clutching at various weapons that weren't there and Mika set the curtains on fire before they realized it was only the intercom.

"Wakey wakey camperoonies! You've all got to come down to the mess hall for breakfast and your first activity of the week! Aren't you all lucky? This will be so much fun!"she squealed, annoyingly peppy for so early in the morning. The boys all scrambled back to their cabins, as the majority of them were lacking shirts,and the girls got dressed while they were gone.

They all ended up in the mess hall, half asleep, to hear what the counselor had to say.

"Today, we'll be doing an extra special activity to increase teamwork, and make you all friends, and blah blah blah..." The counselor blabbed on and on. Mika pushed Gaara's plate away from him to keep him from falling asleep on his pile of syrup covered pancakes. Kiba however was not so lucky, and Akamaru was happily licking syrup off his face.

"So that's why we'll be spending today learning to squaredance!" finished the counselor, causing everyone to suddenly become wide awake.

"You can't be serious!" snapped Sasuke. "I'm the last member of my clan (well except for my stupid brother.) I can't do that! It's undignified!"

"TOO BAD!" snarled the counselor. Then sweetly, "Now, who wants to go first?"

"Ah ha! She can't see me _if I cover my eyes_!" said Naruto triumphantly putting his hands over his eyes. Gaara's sand flew out of his gourd and there was a large sandcastle where he had been standing a minute ago. Tenten hid under the table. Kiba pulled a pancake over his head. Kankuro pulled up his hood and pretended to be a cat. Kabuto pulled a lampshade over his head. Temari hid behind her fan. Shikamaru held up a sign saying "Not here." Shino pulled his collar up the rest of the way. Mika clapped her hands together in a seal. "Hide under a blanket no jitsu!" and a blue blanket fell down to cover her. Ino put on a pair of fake glasses with the nose and mustache attached. Hinata pulled her forehead protector over her head. Choji pulled his bag of potato chips over his head.

"Hey, where did all my kids go?" asked the counselor with a puzzled expression. "Well, I guess it's just you four!" she said pointing at the only people left, Sakura, Lee, Neji and Sasuke. "Pair up!" The three boys realized with horror that unless they got to Sakura first, they would have to dance with another boy.

"Sakura! I shall win your love!" yelled Lee, making a mad leap for her. He brushed her arm just before Sasuke and Neji touched her.

"It looks like the You get to dance with Sakura!" said the counselor pointing at Lee. "I guess you two will just have to dance with each others!" she said happily, pointing at Sasuke and Neji, who immediately glared at each other as though it was the other's fault. The counselor pulled out a big CD player and turned it on. It started blasting out cheesy country music. "Now, just do what I say ok?" she said. She pulled out a piece of paper. "I have written down what you need to do on this sheet of paper! Now, swing your partner round and round!" Lee picked up Sakura by the waist and gracefully swung her in a circle then set her down. Neji flung Sasuke into a wall. "Now dosey do! Does anyone know what that is? Because I don't!" Neji and Sasuke decided it meant to beat your partner to a pulp and began to do just that. Lee was doing an insane looking happy dance.

"Oh Gai sensei! I got to dance with Sakura! My life's dream has come true, and I can now be happy forever!" In all the commotion, someone stole the CD player.

"Well, that's all the squaredance stuff I know, and it looks like the music's gone! Everyone go change into your bathing suits for the next activity!" Said the counselor. Seeing that it was now safe, all the "hiding" students came out and went to their respective cabins to get their bathing suits on.

Meanwhile... "Bwahahaha! I, the hermit of camp place with the funny long name, have stolen their precious CD player!They'll never know where it went! Now, what does this button do?" The sound of cheesy country music started coming from the closet. "Ahhh! No! It burns! Make it stop make it stop!" the closet rocked back and forth,and then there was the sound of a smash, and silence. "Whew! Thank goodness for my handy giant mallet!"

Anyway, back to the others. The boys were all waiting impatiently outside the girl's cabin.

"How long can it take for them to change anyway?" asked Neji.

"Ugh, this is so troublesome." moaned Shikamaru. And then, the girls came out. Sasuke, stared. Shikamaru stared. Neji stared. Naruto stared. The girls were wearing bikinis. There were sequins, polka dots, stripes, beads, fringe, and enough skin to make them drool. However, the boys were saved from having to say anything when the counselor showed up, with an enormous duck shaped floating ring.

"Okay! We're going to go down to the lake to swim!" she said. "Come on!" she herded them all down to the lake. Most of them splashed happily in. Gaara, still with his giant gourd strapped to his back, regarded the water with outright suspicion. Akamaru and Kiba splashed right in, showing a dog's love of water. Kiba was happily floating on his back when suddenly...

"Well, we meet again." he sputtered up to see his prior sugar induced hallucination. In a wet bikini. Light blue with sequins and little fish on it. "Want to see if we can make out underwater?"

"Mwaaaah..." he muttered.

"Hey, why did Kiba just break out in a spontaneous nosebleed?" asked Naruto to no one in particular.

Meanwhile, the counselor was trying to get Kankuro and Temari to go in farther than their ankles. They were trying to explain to her that they had grown up in a desert and were not to go into the water, they knew about that and the sharks and electric eels and vicious sea monsters thank you.

"But, our lake is filled with happy dolphins! Look how playful they are!" said the counselor pointing to where Gaara, clinging tightly to his giant floating gourd and trying to keep from getting any water on hi was being dragged out deeper into the lake by a pair of dolphins. "See! They're having fun!"

"Aren't dolphins supposed to be saltwater animals?" asked Mika.

"Noo! Evil dolphins! Get away!" snapped Gaara, flailing ineffectively at one of them "Turtles! To my aid!"

Naruto was happily splashing around in the water.

"Yeah! Swimming! I love swimming! I'm the best here! I'm the hokage of swimming!" he shouted.

"Oh yeah?" snapped Sasuke. "I'll race you over to that rock and back!"

"You're on!" snapped Naruto. "The two of them started swimming for the rock as a fast as they could. The rock looked up at them, and started to swim away. Alas, it was not a rock but a turtle. They swam after it anyway, yelling insults at each other.

"Ha! You're so slow you can't even keep up with a turtle!"

"Oh yeah? Look who's talking! You're even slower than I am!" lee looked over at them to see what they where doing.

"Turtle sensei!" he yelled. "What are you doing here! NOO! Don't swim away!" he leapt in after the turtle. The girls were mostly floating around, watching them.

"How long do you think it takes Sasuke and Naruto to figure out they're swimming after a turtle?" asked Ino.

"Could take a while." said Mika. "Wanna just go do something else while we wait?" The group got out of the water, going off to do various stuff, while the boys chased the turtle around the lake.

"Hey! Wait! Get me out of here! Really! Help! Hello?" yelled Gaara at their retreating backs. "I still can't swim! Help? Damn."


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello everyone! Guess what time it is?" yelled the counselor from directly behind them. Everyone jumped a foot in the air.

"Dammit, I'm a genius number one rookie ninja, how is it that an untrained counselor person can sneak up on me?" snapped Neji annoyedly, mostly because the counselor had interrupted his makeout session with Tenten.

"It's time for an extra special happy fun activity!" said the counselor happily jumping up and down and ignoring Neji's remarks. "It's one of my favorites! We're doing arts and crafts! Yay!"

"What?" asked Sasuke. "I am a sexy angsty ninja. I do not participate in these silly little arts and crafts of yours."

"Oh yes you will!" snarled the counselor, with fire in her eyes. Sasuke hid behind Sakura.

"Someday I will figure out how she does that." muttered Sakura.

"Now, who's ready for craft fun?" asked the counselor sweetly. Everyone nodded in terror, and followed her to yet another cabin, filled with tables and craft supplies. "Okay! Have fun!" she said, heading out the door. Neji immediately tried to sneak out, but found the door locked.

"No! My superior ninja skills are nothing in the face of this clever prison!" he wailed, falling to his knees.

"Dude, it's just a door." said Naruto.

"You don't get to come out until you've had craft fun!" singsonged the counselor from the other side of the door. Everyone sighed and sat down.

"What are you making Naruto?" asked Hinata looking up from what she was making. It was a small blob shaped plushie with Naruto's signature hairstyle and grin, and the little whisker markings down it's face.

"I'm sculpting a bowl of ramen out of clay!" he said looking up, his face covered with clay. "Oh, ramen, I love it so much!Just thinking about it is making me hungry!"

Neji sat tied up in a tangled mess of pipe cleaners and glitter.

"No! Why can my number one rookie skill not overcome this evil twisty thing!Truly the enemy has made a clever trap this time! Tenten! Teamate! Girlfriend! Save me from this fiendish device!"

"Oh give it a rest Neji." said Tenten, not looking up from her block of wood, which she was carving into the shape of panda with a kunai. "Aww, pandas! Pandas are so cute!"

"You know Tenten, with those buns of yours you," began Neji

"Yes, I know." she sighed.

"Sort of look,"

"Yes, I _know._" she said slightly more forcefully.

"Like you have,"

"YES! I KNOW! PANDA EARS! I GOT THEM WHEN I WAS SEVEN AND WANTED TO LOOK LIKE MY FAVORITE ANIMAL AND I KEPT THEM FOR SO LONG THAT IT'S EASIEST JUST TO LEAVE THEM LIKE THAT ALLRIGHT! NOW SHUT UP ABOUT IT!" she yelled. Everyone stared at her. "Umm, sorry about that everyone, just get back to whatever you were doing!" she said waving. Everyone immediately bent over their work as if they couldn't see her.

"Sasuke, what are you doing?" asked Sakura. She was twisting delicate cherry blossoms out of pink tissue paper and weaving them into her hair. Sasuke was bent over a piece of paper with some crayons.

"Umm, nothing." he said, covering his paper with an arm.

"Aww come one Sasuke, let me see!" said Sakura trying to peer around it. He held the paper away from her with one arm, whereupon Ino immediately grabbed it.

"Here you go Sakura!" she said handing it to her.

"Thanks Ino! Now, let's see what it is!" she said looking at it. It was a crayon scrawled stick figure of Sasuke, holding a blood covered knife, with a bubble coming from his mouth saying "Die die die!" Lying next to him was an Itachi stick figure also covered in blood, saying "Oh no! You are so much stronger and smarter and sexier and cooler and you have more fangirls than me! I die now!" She sated at it for a moment.

"Uhh, Sakura? You might want to turn it over." said Ino. Sakura did. On the other side she found a very detailed picture of her. However, Sasuke had left out one little detail. Her clothes. She turned to Sasuke with fire in her eyes.

"Gah! No!" screamed Sasuke, running in a circle around the table, Sakura hot on his heels. Lee swiftly snatched the abandoned picture of Sakura.

"At last! Another thing for my Sakura shrine!" he said.

Meanwhile, Mika put down what she had been working on. She'd found a piece of red glass siting in a cabinet, and had been molding it with her bare hands, as though it was as malleable as soft clay. Only the shimmer of heat around her hands gave any evidence of her jitsu. She snuck around to the side of the table where Kabuto was sitting.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked giving his ponytail a tug and jumping up to peer over his shoulder. He leapt a foot in the air, turning around to face her.

"Don't do that!" he snapped. "It's bad enough with the counselor sneaking up on people, now you?" She shrugged.

"Well, a sound ninja should have been able to hear me better. What are you making? Can I see?" she asked.

"No. It's evil. Go away."

"You know, I bet I know why you always have to say you're evil all the time."

"Because I am?"

"No, don't be silly. It's because of the ponytail!"

What? That makes no sense!"

"Sure it does. Lots of evil people have ponytails. You do, therefore you're trying to be evil. See?"

"Look, I'm not evil because of my hair." he said.

"Oh yeah? Prove it." she said holding up a pair of scissors.

"No! No one touches the hair." he snapped.

"Ah ha!"

"Look. I'm not evil because of my hair, I'm evil because I have a tragic past and work for Orochimaru!"

"Awww, but tragic pasts are all tragic and unhappy!" she said hugging him.

"Hey! No! Don't hug the evil!"

"You're not evil, just misguided by your tragic past." she said reasonably.

"Hmph." he grumbled.

"Now will you let me see what you were doing?"

"Oh fine, if it will make you stop bugging me." he said. "It's just an experiment on infusing paper with my chakra." He held out the paper. It was a drawing of a snake, coiled up. As she picked up the paper, the snake drew itself up into striking position, the tongue flickering in and out, silently hissing.

"Oooh, cool!" said Mika, clearly delighted.

"You can have it if you want." he offered off hand.

"Eeeh!" she squealed delightedly, and hugged him tightly around the waist. This time he grumbled, but didn't try to push her off.

Ino was trying to convince Shikamaru to at least do something.

"Come on, if you don't at least try to make something she'll never let us out! We'll starve and be forced to eat each other! Well, I suppose Sakura's big forehead will finally be good for something..."

"But art is so troublesome." protested Shikamaru. He picked up a crayon and drew a smiley face on a piece of paper. "There. Can I go back to sleep now?" Ino sighed.

"Fine, but when Choji eats us all you'll be sorry."

Lee and Shino were bent over something that looked like a cross between a bug and Gai sensei. Everyone had left a wide circle around them.

Choji was just eating paste.

Suddenly the counselor burst in.

"Okay! Art time is over! Now, let's see what you did!" she looked over everything, then grabbed up Shikamaru's smiley face like it was the best thing ever. "This is the greatest art I've ever seen!" she squealed. "You get an extra special prize!" She slapped a giant yellow smiley sticker on his forehead.

"Ahhh! The pain! It burns! So troublesome!" yelled Shikamaru running around in circles before slamming into a wall. The others, seeing that the door was open took the opportunity to run out before it got locked again. And since it was night they all went to sleep and dreamed of being chased by horrible smiling monsters.

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Hey everyone! This is just your friendly neighborhood author telling you, I'm a little low on ideas. So if there's something you want to see happen, now's the time to suggest it! Just leave the suggestion in a review where I'll be sure to see it. And thus, you will have to review! Bwahahaha! Remember kids, poor self esteem is a horrible thing, that may cause you to resort to shameless begging for reviews on your fanfic. Remember, only you can prevent poor writer self esteem. Review! 


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Naruto, furbies, or anything else mentioned in this fic. Well, except for maybe a pair of kitty ears.

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The next morning, they were awoken by a bright and cheerful voice over the loudspeaker telling them that it was time to wake up and have lots of extra special super happy fun okay?

"Ugh, does that woman wake up at one in the morning waiting for that?" moaned Neji, looking at his alarm clock.

"It's too early to get up!" said Sasuke pulling a pillow over his head.

"Ugh, this is so troublesome." muttered Shikamaru.

"When's breakfast?" asked Chojii.

"Ahhh, morning!" cried Lee leaping out of bed. "Another brand new day to win the love of Sakura and enjoy the wonders of youth! Truly this is" but they never got a chance to find out what it was, because a pillow hit him in the face.

Gaara was still blissfully asleep clutching his teddy bear,but no one tried to wake him up. The last person who had tried that had been stuck in a pile of sand for hours until Gaara woke up.

Kiba was also still asleep, muttering something about sexy blonds in bathing suits.

Kabuto was in an epic fight with the dustbunnies under the bed.

But eventually everyone was awake, and headed down to the mess hall to see what horrors the counselor had in store for them.

"Today," squealed the counselor with her endless supply of cheerfulness, "you're going to put on skits! Won't that be fun! Boys on one team, girl on the other. You even get costumes!" She pointed to two boxes full of costumes, one labeled "Boys" the other "Girls" "You have to wear the first costume you pull out! Get to it!" she waved them towards their respective boxes. "Switch off, boy chooses first, then a girl!" Lee leaped forward.

"Oh Gai sensei, I will do my youthful best in this play that is a celebration of youth! And if I can not do this play, I will do ten more plays! And if I can not do ten more plays, I will do twenty musicals! And if I can not do twenty musicals,"

"JUST PICK A COSTUME ALREADY!" Lee reached into the box and grabbed a costume at random, then went into the changing room. He came out a minute later.

"Lee's a...squirrel?" asked Sakura. He was wearing some sort of small mammal costume certainly.

"I think it's a hamster." said Naruto.

"No no, it's obviously a gerbil!" said Ino.

"Hurray! I am at last one with my fuzzy woodland friends!" yelled Lee jumping up and down. "Plus, everyone know chicks dig cute little animals! I am sure to win Sakura's love!"

"Okay, next person!" said the counselor. "A girl this time!"She shoved Sakura over to the box. Sakura grabbed an outfit and went to go change. However...

"I'm not coming out!" she yelled.

"But, won't you share your happy fun costume joy with the world?" asked the counselor.

"No!"

"GET OUT HERE OR NO FOOD FOR A WEEK!"

"Oh fine." Sakura huffed, edging out. Sasuke and Lee's, eyes bugged out. "I can't believe I'm wearing this."

"Mwahhh. Frilly..." drooled Sasuke. Sakura was wearing...a little French maid outfit. The counselor looked very confused.

"How did that get in there? Oh well, you picked it, so I suppose you have to wear it."

"Hate hate hate death fire destruction blood." steamed Sakura stomping back to her seat.

"Next!" yelled the counselor. Someone coughNarutocough shoved Sasuke forward.

"Wait, a minute, I don't want to..." But the counselor shoved him over to the box. He grabbed the first thing he found and went to change into.

"Okay, come on out Sasuke!" called Sakura. "If I have to wear this, I want to see what you get stuck in!"

"No!"

"Do you like eating? Sasuke reluctantly came out, dressed in a bright yellow teletubby costume. Everyone immediately burst out laughing.

"Look! I can not wear this!" yelled Sasuke. "I'm to cool and emo for that! What does a guy have to do to get a little respect around here! My brother killed my whole family and now he and I are the only ones left!" Sauke turned to the side, a shadow falling across his face. "_But not for long._" Thunder and lightning crashed.

"Wow, it sure got dark all of a sudden, and I heard thunder! Do you think it's gonna rain?" asked Naruto.

Meanwhile...

"Why do I have the strange feeling that someone far away wants to kill me?" asked Itachi looking up. "Oh well! These cupcakes won't make themselves! Kisaaaaaame! Wanna help me with the frosting?"

Back to our intrepid heroes! Oh look. It's Hinata's turn! Let's go see what costume she's got.

"Umm, do I have to come out?"

"Yes! Why doesn't anyone like their costumes!" sobbed the counselor. Hinata shyly edged her way out of the dressing room, revealing her costume to be a, umm, a certain famous bunny. And I don't mean the easter bunny.

"Hinata...wow." said Naruto. "Why are you dressed as the Playguy bunny?" (See? No direct names! You can't sue me either! Bwahahaha!)

"I..it's just the costume I got." she said, trying to hider behind her chair.

"I'm sensing a certain trend here." muttered Mika.

Shino was the unfortunate next person to pick his costume. He grabbed one out of the box and retreated into the dressing room.

"Hmm, this costume resembles a bug. Hurrah! At last, I can be one with my insect brethren!" he cried joyfully. "Behold, for I have taken on the glorious form of" he leaped out of the dressing room "The noble and majestic butterfly!" Everyone stared. "Umm, I mean, I can't wear this costume, it's not manly enough."

Ino had to go next. She pulled out a costume and went into the dressing room. Her scream of frustration was heard a moment later, and she stormed out, dressed as a nurse. But ahem not exactly hospital dress code if you know what I mean.

"WHY are all the girl's costumes porno! I bet it's inexplicably the fault of a certain perverted teacher!" she snapped angrily.

Meanwhile...

"Ha ha, yes! My package has finally arrived!" said Kakashi pulling the box inside his house. "I can't wait to see my ahem lady friends in these! Oh yes! Wait a minute...These aren't my costumes! NOOOOOO!"

The counselor shoved Gaara forward next, as no one else seemed to want to go, strangely enough.

"Get in there and get your costume on!" she said, her voice losing just a tad of it's pep, so scary that Gaara grabbed the costume and practically ran into the room. He came out dressed as a teddy bear, so cute that half the girls in the room squealed, and he went under in a pile of hug.

"Can't...breath!" he gasped, flailing ineffectively.

"Why do you go next little girl?" said the counselor shoving Neji towards the box of costumes.

"What? But I'm not a,"

"Just put the costume on."

"Look, I'm trying to tell you that despite my hair I'm not," The counselor glared at him, "going to spend anymore time talking before putting on the costume!" he grabbed something random out of the box and ran. And then he came out. "Why oh why didn't I at least grab a costume from the boy's box?" he thought. Being dressed as a fairy princess with a frilly tutu and glittery wings was not the most dignified costume.

The unfortunate Naruto had to go next. He actually attempted to get a slightly less embarrassing costume, by looking at them instead of grabbing something at random. He came out dressed as a fox, which immediately caused him to be tacklehugged by Hinata. "Ha ha! People can't laugh at me dressed a fox because, umm, I am one? Sort of? Well, this made more sense when it was in my head earlier. But Hinata likes it! Score!"

By now the counselor was just picking people at random, and happened to choose Mika, despite her clever attempts to hide behind Lee's giant squirrel tail.

"Do I really have to come out dressed like this?" she called.

"Yes!" snapped the counselor. "Everyone else did!"

"Someone is going to die for this." she came out wearing cat ears, tail, paws, and little else. "Preferably the person who decided catgirl was a good idea for a costume."

Now, because the author has a short attention span and is tired of narrating everyone's costumes, we give you something completely different! We bring you back to the hermit of camp name too long for lazy author to type!

"Hmm, it appears this CD player I stole also has a built in radio. Perhaps with this, I can find some music that isn't quite so terrifying. Let's see, maybe this button will work?"

"And next up on L 78.2 it's marathon of our favorite singers, The Prairie Dawgs! Their mixture of rap and country western for the next seventy two hours is sure to be great!"

"Yo yo yo! Home home on the rizzange, where my dawgs the deer and the antelizzope chill! Where seldom is heard (yo mamma is heard) a disrespectin word, cuz if they do i'ma bust a cap in yo punk ass!"

"Nooo! It burns! Why am I plagued by the demons of bad music! This calls for my trusty exorcism hammer!"

Okay, back to the other peoples. Now, while you were gone, everyone else got into a costume, as follows. Choji was a furby for no particular reason. Tenten was dressed as a panda, much in the same style as Mika. Kabuto was a snake (bwahaha). Kiba was dressed a dog, which was causing Akamaru no end of confusion. Kankuro was a banana, the reason for which no one could discern save that some strange omnipotent being controlling their fates must have been hungry for a banana. And Temari was dressed as a geisha, but still in a costume that Kakashi would have approved of.

* * *

Next up: The plays! Woo! Once again, ideas and suggestions are great, as are reviews. 


	7. Chapter 7

This isn't my fault. Jiraya kidnapped my muse, I swear!

* * *

"Okay!" said the counselor, her cheerfulness magically back in full. "You have to make up and perform your own skits with those costumes! Yay! It's two teams, boys against girls! And guess what! The winner gets an extra special prize! The losing team will have to wait on them all day tomorrow!"

"You can't be serious! Number one rookies don't wait on anyone!" snapped Neji.

"Yeah, this is an outrage!" yelled Shino. "Even though this costume does make me feel pretty..."

"Plays are so troublesome." muttered Shikamaru.

"You know, if we win, we can make the girls keep their costumes on all day tomorrow as well." mused Sasuke. Neji considered that for a moment, then grinned.

"Well, I suppose this isn't that bad."

"Gotta roll with the punches."

"A ninja never says no to any assignment."

"Teach us to work together, builds creativity, that sort of thing."

"And of course we're gonna win."

"Of course."

Meanwhile, the girls were off in a group of their own, consulting with each other.

"Did you hear what they said? There is no way I'm going to wear this all day tomorrow." said Sakura.

"Absolutely. We can't let the boys win." said Mika.

"Which means _we_ are going to have to be so much better than them that there's no question of who wins." said Ino firmly.

"Exactly. But first, we need to know how it's going to be judged." said Temari.

"Oh, I can tell you that!" said the counselor cheerfully. From right behind them. Everyone jumped a foot in the air. "Listen up everyone! The winners will be the people whose play gets the most of a reaction from the audience! Anyone who interferes with the other's play will automatically lose. Now, you've got five minutes to plan!" The girl looked at each other and grinned, then started to whisper to each other. The boys however were too busy imagining the costumed girls bringing them drinks, fanning them, and bending over to pick things up. Pervs. "Okay, planning time is up! Boys get on the stage!" she said, shoving the confused boys onto the stage.

"What do we do?" asked Naruto.

"Uh, we'll play it by ear!" said Neji. "Shikamaru, you narrate!"

"Why do I have to narrate? That's so troublesome."

"Because you're dressed as a pineapple! Pineapples can't do anything! Now get out there! And everyone remember, we can't lose, so get as much of a reaction as possible!" Shikamaru walked over to the front of the stage.

"Ugh, is this troublesome thing on?" he said tapping the microphone. "Alright then. There once was a troublesome fox named Naruto." Naruto skipped onto the stage.

"Look at me! I'm a cute little fox! Believe it! La la la la, oh look a flower!" Hinata giggled.

"No Hinata! Shield your eyes from the treacherous cuteness!" cried Mika.

"And he had a friend, a troublesome dog named Kiba." Kiba came on stage a little less enthusiastically than Naruto.

"Woof. Woof. Woof." he said.

"And they liked to frolic in the meadows together and other such troublesome things. Though I don't know why, it's so much less troublesome to just lie down and watch the clouds. But then again, we all know"

"Get on with it!" snapped Sasuke.

"Fine, fine. So anyway, they liked the meadow. It was filled with flowers and butterflies and birds, troublesome chirping things, always keeping you from getting a decent nap." Shino ran across the stage flapping his arms yelling "I'm a pretty butterfly!"

"So one day they were out frolicking when their (troublesome) friend Lee the squirrel hamster thing came along." Lee twirled onto stage.

"Oh Gai sensei, behold as I do my best in this youthful play!Hello my youthful friends, what youthful antics are you up to today! Let us go train our fluffy ninja powers so that we may become strong and win the heart of a certain beautiful pink haired creature! Oh Sakura, lovely and fair, I shall compose a sonnet to you! Oh fair the morn upon which thy eyes shine, more lovely than the moon..."

"But at that moment, they were attacked by a wild banana," said Shikamaru "and the squirrel was not able to compose any more bad poetry on account of being ravaged."

"Banana!" yelled Kankuro leaping out of the undergrowth to maul Lee.

"Should we rescue him?" asked Kiba.

"Nah, let's go play with our teddy bear!" said Naruto, jumping on Gaara. "Heh heh, always wanted to do that."

"No! Get off me! Help! Oh, this is worse than being attacked by dolphins!" yelled Gaara.

"Never fear! I Sasuke, angsty sexy mysterious genuis ninja of Konaha will save you!!" yelled Sasuke jumping out and trying to look heroic, which is hard to do as a bright yellow teletubby. Naruto stared.

"Seriously, that's not gonna help Sasuke. Hey, you have an antenna!"

"Yeah, so?" asked Sasuke. Naruto grabbed it and let go, watching it sproing all over the place. "Hey, quit that!"

"Wow! That's the coolest thing ever! You try Kiba!" said Naruto. Kiba tried it.

"Dude, that's so much fun!"

"I know, I could do this all day."

"Aww come on! Stop it! I'm too cool and emo to get my antenna sproinged!" said Sasuke, being ignored. Shikamaru leaned close to the audience.

"But meanwhile, while they were distracted, an evil snake came and stole their teddy!" Gaara looked around.

"Umm, what snake?"

"That troublesome snake! Where is he? Shino, go get Kabuto!" Shino walked off stage and returned dragging Kabuto.

"Well, it's not my fault, this costume doesn't have leg holes, it's impossible to move!"

"Speaking of which, you're standing up. Snakes don't stand." said Sasuke shoving him over.

"Hey! Don't shove Kabuto! Mika yelled at him.

"Hey! Don't yell at Sasuke!" Sakura yelled at her.

"Hey! Sit down and shut up both of you! That counts as a reaction! Do you want to have to wear these all day tomorrow as well?" yelled Tenten. Whereupon the two sat down and shut up.

"Anyway as I was saying, the evil snake," said Shikamaru

"Hiss. Hiss. Oh so very evil." muttered Kabuto unenthusiastically

"Stole their beloved teddy bear! And then ran away to his impenetrable fortress." said Shikamaru dropping a cardboard box over Kabuto and Gaara.

"Oh come on! I can't see! Why would a snake have an impenetrable fortress anyway, and what would he want with a teddy bear?" asked Kabuto. Shikamaru ignored him.

"Oh no! Our favorite teddy has been taken away to this fortress! And yea, it is so terribly impenetrable!" said Naruto.

"But just when all hope seemed lost,"

"Alas! Truly all hope is lost!" bemoaned Kiba.

"They spied something glittering over the horizon!"

"Lo! Is that something glittering I spy over the horizon?" asked Kiba

"It was the good fairy princess Neji come to save them!" Neji jumped onto stage.

"Allright! I'm here to save you with sparkly fairy princess magic!"

"Wow, there wasn't a manly word in that sentence." mused Naruto. "But you know, you don't really look that great."

"Bah! I'll have you know I'm a genius number one rookie fairy! I graduated top of my classes at the magical fairy academy!"

"And the streak continues!" said Naruto. "So you can help us save our teddy bear?"

"Yes! With my super genius number one magic skills! Behold!" he waved his wand and there appeared in a puff of smoke...Choji."

"Aww man, this is a furby, not our teddy!" complained Kiba. Naruto poked it.

"Hey, is this your so called number one? Huh, it's not very good!"

"Well, okay, I'll come up with another plan. So we get some grappling hooks right? And then we scale the castle walls, fight off some guards and steal their armor so we can sneak in, then hide in the throne room right? So then when he comes in we grab the swords off the walls and engage in a flashy and overly dramatic sword fight!" said Neji. "Then we can get some pudding and a giant tin squid, and,"

"Gah! I've had enough of this!" yelled Kabuto. He kicked over the cardboard box, and shoved Gaara over. "There! You've saved your teddy! You're done! The play is over!" he attempted to storm off the stage, but due to aforementioned lack of leg holds in the costume, just tripped and fell over.

"So, uh, did we win?" asked Naruto.

"I guess so." said Kiba. "Wrap it up Shikamaru!"

"And so they saved their teddy and were all happy and partied all night with non alcoholic soda type beverages. No, you guys don't need to act that part out, it,s, oh for the love of god did Naruto just drink an entire liter of soda in one gulp? How much did you give him? Do I see six empty bottled there? Take cover! This is going to be troublesome!" Naruto became an orange streak bouncing from wall to wall.

"Wehehee caffeine is my friend it's gonna help me become hokage someday and i'll be the best hokage ever believe it and all the sea anemones will bow down to me and proclaim me their leader woo look at the pretty colors hee hee froth froth i'm totally super fox hokage hey are those tentacles bweeheehee!" They eventually pried the twitching Naruto off the ceiling and leaned him in a corner, babbling about "squishy sea thingies, all will obey me!"

"Okay, time for the girls play, umm, just as soon as we clean up this wreckage!" said the counselor.

Hmm, it looks like this is gonna take a while, so while they clean up let's go see what our favorite hermit is up to!

"Okay, so this radio station is supposed to have good music. I just turn this dial, and wait."

"We at K 47.6 are dedicated to bringing you the best music ever. So, we bring you, the Flaming Schnitzels, with their polka punk rock !"

"Guten tag! I wear my lederhosen and my mohawk high, and I eat my bratwurst hot! Schnitzel schnitzel schnitzel schnitzel rocking the world! Oh yeah, I'm bringing bratwurst back! Thank you Germany!"

"Why oh why does fate hate me?"

Okay, that should have been enough time, back to the girls! They were all on the stage. They paused for a moment to whisper something with each other. Naruto noticed Hinata was blushing.

"Hey Hinata! Don't be embarrassed! Do your best!" he yelled.

"Shut up idiot! Do you want them to win?" said Sasuke.

"Make me! Hinata's just too cute!" he yelled.

"Naruto kun is so supportive." Hinata smiled

"Yeah Hinata!Keep being adorable and we'll win for sure!" cheered Mika.

"Oh no you won't!" yelled Sasuke.

"Yes we will! You're helping us win right now!" snapped Sakura.

"No I'm not! Wait, I am! Crap! I gotta stop! I gotta stop yelling about how I should stop! I gotta"

"Just sit down and shut up you troublesome idiot!" snapped Shikamaru shoving Sasuke into his seat.

"Hey boys? Just telling you, but you're one reaction away from the girls winning." said the counselor. The boys' eyes widened. Sasuke started to say something before Neji Shikamaru and Gaara slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up for the rest of the play or I'm duct taping your mouth shut!" hissed Neji in his ear. Apparently the girls heard it, because they exchanged glances.

"Phase two?"

"Phase two."

"My, it's very hot today isn't it Mika?" asked Sakura.

"Yes, terribly so. It's _soo_ very hot in here, don't you think Tenten?"

"Why yes, yes it is. But you know what would help?"

"Oh, please tell me!" said Sakura jumping up and down.

"A cool, refreshing, smooth, delicious milkshake!" said Tenten happily passing the cups around.

"Hey, where did those come from?" wondered the counselor. Everyone ignored her.

"Oh, these are soooo good!" purred Sakura. "If only a certain person were up here we could share it."

"Yes, they're so sweet and creamy. What flavor is yours Hinata?" asked Tenten.

"I,it's strawberry?" said Hinata shyly.

"That's lovely." said Mika supportively patting Hinata on the back. "But you know what? I'm _still_ very hot."

"Yes, me too." said Ino. "Oh, however shall we solve this dilemma?"

"Why, I can solve it." said Temari, pulling a lever on the stage. It opened up to, reveal a pool underneath which all the girls tumbled into.

"Oh dear! I'm soaking wet!" bemoaned Ino.

"Yes, and now I'm cold too! Look, I'm shivering!" said Mika.

"Yes! Oh, if only there were some people around here to cuddle with and help keep us warm!" said Sakura. It was about that time that, while the counselor was still trying to figure out where the pool had come from(uber ninja skills) the boys charge the stage. The counselor stared.

"Oh...my...That's definitely interfering! The girls win. And...Hey you! Put that back on! Yes you! Oh, you'd better stop that, do you know how much trouble you'll be in if your sensei sees you doing that! Grrr...EVERYONE GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone came down in shock and terror. "Right then." she said sweetly. "The boys interfered with their play, so the girls won! Starting tomorrow, you boy, who were very ill behaved might I add" one of them snickered quietly. "you boys will have to do everything the girls tell you!" The girls grinned at each other, and the boys groaned.

"I can't believe this." moaned Kabuto.

"Aww come on! It will be fun! For me at least!" said Mika sneaking up from behind to put her arms around him.

"Number one rookies don't listen to anyone!" complained Sasuke.

"Well, you do tomorrow." said Sakura to him with a grin.

"This is so troublesome." muttered Shikamaru.

"Deal with it!" snapped Ino.

"Yeah! I get to spend all day tomorrow with Hinata! Believe it!" yelled Naruto, appearing to be the only happy one.

"Baka! You won't be having fun!" snapped Neji.

"We'll see." said the girls. "_We_ plan to have fun."

* * *

Dun dun dun! The exciting conclusion to chapter seven!

Okay peoples, here's the deal. I've been kind of lax in updating, and making you wait a long unspecified time between updates. So, I'm going to try to update at least every weekend. And as you all know, your reviews inspire me to write even more. So you guys know what to do right? Review, tell your friends about this fic? Please?" Pretty please? With a cherry on top? Also, suggestions for stuff to do in the future are always welcome. Oh, and to the person who asked why I have a hermit in my fic: The hermit is a cameo of a friend of mine who contributes a lot of great ideas. If you know me in real life, you might be able to guess who! Besides, there's a hermit of frogs right? Why not a hermit of camp? Hermits rule. And that was all she wrote.


	8. Chapter 8

Shrouded in absolute darkness, the ninja crept, along the houses. Using his ninja skills to the fullest he became a mere shadow, leaping from roofs, creeping along the ground, hiding in places you would have sworn he couldn't have fit in when he thought he heard someone. At last, he reached his goal. It would all be worth it now. His mission would be finished and he would be safe. He inched open the door...Only to find someone else had gotten there first.

"Look Gai sensei, you need to come get us! Really! The counselor is crazy, you can't make us stay here! No, I will not try to do my youthful best to have fun, this place is pure evil! She made me dress up as a fairy and, hey, stop laughing! I mean it! Look, just listen to me for a minute and stop babbling about the power of youth okay? Good, no wait what? Don't go! You can't leave me here, don't you dare hang up! No, it's not a wonderful youthful goodbye, don't hang up!" Neji sighed. "He hung up on me."

"What are you doing here?" asked Sasuke. Neji didn't turn around.

"Probably the same thing you're doing here. Trying to call home and get someone to come save us."

"So we've both got the same idea then?" asked Sasuke. "Good. You guard the door, I'll try calling Kakashi."

"Allright. Hurry." said Neji, activating his byakugan so that he could see through the door as he guarded. Sasuke picked up the phone and dialed.

"Kakashi? Is that you! Oh good, listen, you need to come and, huh? What do you mean you were just talking to Gai? He said what? No, we are not "enjoying our youthful high spirits" here! Would any one of us, well except Lee, ever say that? It's horrible! I need you to come get us, right now! Now we're not having a good time! I've already established that! No, not even...what?! I, no! We have not been "having fun" with any of the girls. Well, okay, maybe a little. But not that! Anyway, it doesn't matter, you have to, no! No I don't want you to leave us here, I don't need any more shots at the girls! Really I'm fine! No, come get us now! I'm more likely to get action in Konoha! Hello? Hello? Damn it!" He turned to Neji. "He hung up on me." Neji nodded.

"Gai just went on about enjoying the explosive power of youth." He turned. "There's two people coming."

"Who?" asked Sasuke.

"Looks like Shikamaru and Kabuto." Sasuke sighed.

"Well, we can't hold grudges in a situation like this. Let them in." The two looked surprised when the door opened in front of them.

"Calling for help?" asked Neji. The two nodded. "Come on in." Shikamaru picked up the phone first.

"Asuma sensei? Yes, I know we all disappeared a few days ago. Yes, it's Kakshi's fault. No, we're not on a mission. We're trapped in a troublesome camp with a nutty counselor. You have to come save us. No really, it's horrible. Aww come on don't leave me here, it's too troublesome!" He sighed. "Troublesome sensei, told me I could stand to stay here for one little week."

"Here, give me the phone." said Kabuto taking out of his hands and dialing.

"Who are you going to call?" asked Sasuke scornfully, but he was already talking.

"Hello, Orochimaru?"

"What?!" Not him!" snapped Sasuke.

"Shut up!" snapped Kabuto, ignoring Sasuke's "He put a frigging curse mark on me! What makes you think he's going to help?"

"Good, you're there. Yes, I know you haven't seen me for a few days, it's because I've been stuck here. It's some sort of weird camp type place, and there's a crazy woman ordering us around. Yes, there's other people here too. Ummm, most of the people from the chuunin exams I think, maybe a few others. Yes, there are girls, one of them keeps trying to hug me, what does that have to do with anything? What? What do you mean I should get get out more? I do not need to meet more girls!What do you mean you want me to stay here? No! Come on! Please? At least just come kill the scary counselor? No, don't go! Your cupcakes are done? Well Gee, why don't you just invite some more people over to help you then? You and the Akatsuki can have a slumber party! No, that's not a great idea, it was sarcasm! Don't hang up! No! Gah!" Kabuto turned to them. "Do not say a word." he muttered. And then, the yelling started.

"Sasuke!"

"Neji!"

"Kabuto!"

"Shikamaru!"

"Where are you?"

"We need more fanning and stuff!"

" If you don't get back here the counselor will hunt you down and rip out your spleens!" The boys glanced at each other.

"Not her!" groaned Neji.

"Great, now we have to go back. How troublesome." said Shikamaru. Sasuke sighed, and made a hand seal.

"Super cool ninja vanish and reappear in another place jutsu!" The four ninjas appeared in the room where the girls were in a puff of (super cool) smoke.

"There you are!" giggled Sakura happily. "We thought you'd run off!" The boys exchanged nervous glances.

"Can I at least put my shirt back on?" asked Sasuke.

"Nope!" said Sakura cheerfully.

"Can I?" Neji asked hopefully. Tenten just laughed.

"No." said Mika before Kabuto could say anything.

"That's what you get for plotting to make us wear those costumes." said Ino.

"ugh, this is so troublesome. How come Naruto gets to keep his shirt?" asked Shikamaru, pointing to where Naruto and Hinata were cuddling.

"Because they look so cute together we didn't want to interrupt them." said Sakura.

Naruto was sitting next to Hinata, so enraptured by her that he hadn't even thought of leaving. Shino, Gaara, and Choji were fanning the girls, while Kiba and Kankuro brought them drinks. And Lee...where was Lee?

"Where's Lee?" asked Sasuke, hoping to distract Sakura from their odd disappearance. Sakura made a face.

"He got into the pixie sticks. Now he won't come down from the ceiling." They looked up to see lee hanging from the ceiling by the bandages around his arms.

"I'm a youthful spider!" he singsonged, swinging back and forth. "Spidey senses tingling!"

"Spider? Where? Oh my precious bugs, where have you gone?" said Shino looking around wildly.

"Uhhmmm, this is getting a little weird for me." said Tenten. "I'm gonna go get some snacks or something, and be out of the room in case Lee drops on our heads." Neji stared at the door as she walked out, then quietly activated his byakugan.

"Neji, what are you doing?" asked Sakura.

"Nothing. Just standing here and looking purely coincidentally in the direction Tenten went." he said innocently.

"Neji, are you looking at Tenten with your Byakugan?"

"No, what could possibly give you that idea! I'm not using my byagkugan! Nope, no byakugan using here!"

"Neji, it's really easy to tell when you're using it you know."

"Umm, no it's not."

"Neji..."

"I'm not using my byakugan to look through Tenten's clothes! Really!" he protested turning to Sakura.

"Now, I never said you were, hey, what? Looking through people's clothes, omg you're looking at me!" she yelled. "Help! Pervert! Sasuke kun! Neji's looking at me with his byakugan!" Sakura squealed. Sasuke came over.

"Hey, are you using your byakugan to look at Sakura?" he demanded angrily.

"No! Of course not! I would never do that!" he protested turning to Sasuke. "In fact I'm not even, oh god it burns! It burns! I will never be able to get that out of my head! Agh! It burns my eyes with the light of a thousand suns!" he ran off, clawing at his eyes, and slammed into a wall. Tenten came back bearing snacks, and passing out the chips to Sakura, Ino,Hinata, and Mika.

"Why is Neji trying to claw his eyes out?" she asked. "Did Lee demonstrate his, uh, special move again? I remember last time that happened we had to spray the entire place with Lysol, and I couldn't sleep for a week. And then Neji passed out every time we went back there. Though that might have been that bleach was still a little strong..." Sakura leaned over and whispered something in her ear. She turned red. "Bad Neji! What have I told you about using your byakugan like that! As a punishment, you don't get the sour cream and onion chips I brought for you."

"But I love those? Please?" asked Neji making puppy dog eyes.

"Well, maybe, but only because you're so cute." said Tenten.

"Food? I want some! Are there any barbecue chips?" asked Choji drooling.

"Oh fine, here." said Tenten tossing him a pack.

"Hey, don't stop fanning!"snapped Sakura.

"_I want chips!_" thought Sasuke to himself. He edged over to Sakura. He turned, causing the light to glint off his forehead protector and the wind to blow through his hair in a way that made fangirls squeal for miles around. "Sakura." he said leaning over her. "Can I have some chips?" She stared at him, eyes sparkling with a wide grin on her face. "Umm, Sakura? Sakura?" He snapped his fingers in front of her. "Hello? Oh damn it, not again. Let's see. Well, I could try to snap her out of this trance. Or, I could just steal her chips. Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with that." He plucked the chips out of her motionless grasp, only to have them plucked from his hands. "Noo! Why my beloved chips, why? Shall we never be united?"

"No." snapped Ino. "Now, what do you think you were doing? No, don't answer that." she said as he opened his mouth. "What did you do to Sakura?"

"Umm, I think I may have accidentally put her into a fangirl trance with my sexiness?" Ino slapped her forehead.

"Ugh. Fine, just get her out of it."

"I don't know how."

"WHAT?!"

"But I'll try anyway please stop being scary!" Sasuke leaned over. "Sakura. Um, wake up, or I'll, uh, kiss Ino!"

"You'll what?" snapped Shikamaru, suddenly appearing next to him menacingly.

"Umm, nothing!" said Sasuke.

"Ugh, troublesome ninja, made me get up." muttered Shikamaru.

"Sakura? Come on, wake up please? The sky is falling. We're being attacked by evil missing nins. I'm being attacked by rabid weasels. The pain. The agony. Please wake up before I am devoured." he said.

"Wake up Sakura, your snoring is as loud as your forehead is giant!" snapped Ino.

"Hey! I don't snore! And stop insulting my forehead pig Ino!"

"Forehead girl!"

"Pig Ino!"

"Forehead!"

"Pig!"

"Hah, I guess it's true, all you have to do to get a girl to wake up is to tell her she snores." said Sasuke. Both girls turned on him

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?"

"Nothing, nothing!" Luckily for Sasuke, just as he was about to be savaged. The counselor burst in.

"Hi everyone? Having fun? Well that's great! But you've got to come out now, we're going to do another super fun activity!" she said.

* * *

Doom! A cliffhanger! Bwahaha! And you shall not learn of the mysterious activity unless you review! 


	9. Chapter 9

Behold, chapter nine and stuff. Review or I will eat your liver. BWAHAHA! Cough cough

* * *

"Yes! You're going to do an activity! Won't that be fun?"

"What?" asked Naruto, cleverly pretending not to have heard.

"We're going to do an activity!"

"A what?"

"Activity!"

"I can't hear you! Believe it!"

"ACTIVITY!

"Speak up!"

"GET OUT THERE OR I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!" snarled the counselor foaming at the mouth. Everyone ran. The counselor skipped out before the cowering group. "Now, first we're going to do some hopscotch! And then sewing! And then we'll finish up with some karaoke, and then you'll all eat a pound of lard so that you'll be tender and juicy when I eat you!"

"What was that last one?" asked Mika as the group backed away.

"Karaoke?"

"Scatter!" someone yelled. Everyone ran off in different directions. The counselor tried to run after all of them at once, succeeding only in running into a building. The group eventually met up again behind the cabins, after a few misturns in which Gaara ran into the lake and had to be rescued from the dolphins.

"That woman's finally gone crazy!"snapped Sasuke.

"Yeah, even I have to agree, as I'm not too eager to get my flesh eaten." said Neji.

"We really have to get out of here." said Sakura.

"If you'd just let me kill the counselor..." Muttered Gaara.

"I don't think you could do that without holy water and lots of garlic." said Mika. "We need escape plans. Anyone?"

"Plans? We don't need plans! We're ninjas! Believe it! We can use our super awesome ninja skills to sneak out of here!" said Naruto.

"Hey yeah, you're right! For once." Said Sasuke. "I'll just use my awesome ninja skills to climb, unseen, over these ten foot walls!" He disappeared.

"Umm, I'm just gonna go way over here now." said Mika casually walking off. A few moments later they heard Sasuke's victorious yell.

"Woo! I did it! I'm on top of the wall! Yeah! I'm so awesome. Wait, why are those red lights flashing? Is that an alarm going off? Agh spikes! Agh, falling! Agh, steak sauce! Wait, why am I being sprayed with steak sauce? Agh, attack dogs!" Sasuke ran around the corner, a pack of angry dobermans on his heels. There was another 'Everyone runs for their life screaming until someone finally figures out the obvious and climbs onto a roof' scene which I'm afraid was deleted because of budget problems.

"Well, that was a dismal failure." said Neji, edging away from Sasuke who still smelled like steak night at an all you can eat buffet.

"Well, you did save me from the vicious dogs!"said Tenten, flinging her arms around him.

"Yeah, by throwing me into their path then running off with her!" snapped Sasuke.

"Mika, how did you know to get out of the way?" demanded Kabuto, whop had had a close run in with one of the dogs.

"I'm from the future!"

"No you're not."

"Well, really, as the author's own character, I'm basically immune from harm in a humorous fic like this. Everyone else can get torn to shreds, and that's okay because they'll be fine again next chapter, but not me! Also I sneak into the author's house and read the chapters she's working on when she isn't looking." (Hey you! Stop breaking the fourth wall!) Mika looked up. "Sorry!"

"Hey, who was that?" asked Sasuke, looking up. (For all intents and purposes, I am your god! I control your very fate Bow before me! Bwahahaha!) "So it's your fault I got doused in steak sauce and attacked by dogs?" (Errrmmmm, kinda, sorta, not really, no! Yeah, I'll just be leaving now.) "Oh no you don't muttered Sasuke running off. (Hey, what are you doing here? How did you get past security? Hey, get out of here! Pay no attention to the author behind the curtain! Oh, it's you. Hey, get back there, you're supposed to be in the fic! Hey, what are you doing with that? Here now, put it down, let's be reasonable. No need to get violent, it'll be very messy. Eeep! Watch where you're swinging that! Come on now, surely we can talk this out? I can make whatever you want to happen you know. Ah, that got your attention. So then, yeah? Uh huh, I can do that. Sure. Now get back out there.) Sasuke came back, a satisfied expression on his face. Sakura leaped on top of him.

"Oh Sasuke, you've been gone so long I have the urge to passionately make out with you!"

"Umm, yes. Now, while they're, uh, busy, anyone got any ideas to get us out of here?" asked Mika.

"Oooh oooh oooh me me me!" yelled Kankuro jumping up and down and waving his hand in the air. "I'll use my awesome kitty powers to scale the walls and summon my feline brethren!"

"Next."

"I'll become my super alter ego Super Fox Hokage Man and bring the counselor to justice!"

"Next."

"We all run and hide because my byakugan sees her coming this way?"

"Aghhhhhh, everyone run around and panic before the scary lady eats you!" And so there was much running and panicking which eventually resulted everyone locking themselves into the supply closet for the night.


	10. Chapter 10

They all woke up in the morning, eventually. Sakura had to prod Sasuke awake, as he was repeatedly stabbing his pillow and talking in his sleep. "Die Itachi, die!" However, they quickly discovered that something was strange.

"Why are we all wearing birthday hats?" asked Neji.

"Ahhhh! Evil hat monster is eating my head! Believe it!" yelled Naruto running around in circles. "I can feel it sucking out my braaaaaaaaaain!"

"Actually, I think it's just the author's birthday today and she is using her godlike powers over us to make us wear these hats." said Mika. (hey, didn't I tell you not to break the fourth wall?)

"Oh no! Not a birthday! Every birthday is a sign that you have lost yet another year of youth! Oh, what a tragedy!" wailed Lee.

"Actually, I kind of like the hat. It's pointy." said Kankuro, trying to impale a nearby smiley face with his hat. "Look at me, I'm a unicorn!"

"Soooooo, does this mean we get cake?" asked Choji. "I'm hungry."

"Hey, I can't eat cake, I'm watching my figure! Well, maybe just a little." said Ino. (Hmm, the author has decided to be benevolent today. Cake for all!"

"Woo!" said Sasuke. Over cake, the conversation quickly turned to how to escape from the evil camp and its equally evil counselor.

"I think we should build a giant balloon, and use it to float away! Yeah! Believe it!" said Naruto through a mouthful of cake.

"Ummm, Naruto? I, umm, don't think that would work?" ventured Hinata timidly.

"Of course you're right! What was I thinking! Let's all listen to Hinata, because she's so smart!" said Naruto, staring adoringly up at her and causing her to blush.

"Well, whatever happens, I'm sure that my Sasuke wasuke can keep us safe!" said Sakura.

"Yes, and so can my Neji weji!" said Tenten. The two boys exchanged glances.

"So, do you think you're up to that Sasuke wasuke?" sneered Neji.

"Well obviously _I_ am. But what about you, Neji weji?" he asked with a smirk.

"Well of course. Luckily, my byakugan gives me enough of an edge to defeat just about anything."

"Yeah, well so does my sharingan."

"Yes, I suppose it's useful enough, but the byakugan is _obviously_ superior."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Oh yeah? Well my sharingan once defeated whole group of sound ninja at once."

"My byakugan can defeat whole teams of ninja at once."

"My sharingan could defeat the akatsuki!"

"My byakugan could defeat a hundred s class missing nin!"

"My sharingan could defeat five hundred anbu!"

"Sorry, did I say a hundred? I meant a thousand!"

"Ten thousand!"

"A hundred thousand!"

"FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND!"

"A MILLION!!"

"TEN MILLION!!!"

"A HUNDRED MILLION!!!!"

"INFINITY!"

"INFINITY PLUS ONE!"

"There's no such number idiot."

"Oh yeah? Your mom."

"What?"

"Uhh, I mean, baka!"

"Baka yourself!"

"Prepare to face the awesome power of my byakugan!"

"Well my sharingan can just copy everything you do anyway!"

"Oh it's on!"

"You want somma this? Huh? Huh? Bring it!" However, they were both whacked on the heads by their respective girlfriends.

"Stop being silly, the counselor will hear you fighting and come find us." said Tenten.

"Yeah, you don't want that, do you?" asked Sakura.

"No." mumbled the boys.

"Now say you're sorry." prompted Tenten.

"Sorry." muttered Neji.

"Now you say _you're_ sorry." said Sakura.

"Sorry." muttered Sasuke.

"For what?" chorused the girls.

"For making fun of your sharingan."

"For picking a fight with you."

"Good, now kiss and make up for the camera!" said Mika. "Make sure to look like you mean it!"

"No!" snapped Neji and Sasuke together.

"Aww come on, do you know how much i could sell this stuff for?" asked Mika. "people love yaoi!"

"You mean...me? With him?" asked Neji disbelievingly.

"Like, together? That's just gross!" snapped Sasuke.

"No, it's really popular, look!" said Mika, handing them a conveniently placed laptop on a page full of SasuNeji slash fanfics. Foolishly, they looked.

"AGH AGH MY EYES! THEY BURN!!" yelled Neji running around in circles.

"THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP!" yelled Sasuke trying to claw his eyes out.

"Hey, where did that laptop come from?" wondered Shikamaru aloud to no one in particular.

"Wimps." muttered Gaara. "Going crazy over a little story." Mika casually nudged the laptop, now on a page with GaaraLee fanfics in front of his face. "NOOOO! THE, HE, I, IT! AGH! IT DOESN'T, MRRRAGH! I DID NOT NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE! I MUST BURY MY HEAD IN THE SAND AND HOPE IT GOES AWAY!!" The sand from his gourd came out to bury him in a pile. Mika snickered.

"Ahhh, this is fun." said Mika happily to herself.

"PAYBACK!" yelled Sasuke and Neji,shoving an OroKabu fic in front of her. She stared.

"Hey, this is good stuff! Know where I can get more of this?" They groaned.

"Give me that!" snapped Kabuto. He ran his eyes over the page. "Urrgh. This I'm burning."

"Awww." muttered Mika sounding dissapointed.

"Oh?" he said. "Well maybe I can give you something better."

"Hmm?"

He leaned over and kissed her, pulling her closer to him to continue the kiss long past the simple thing it had began as. He broke it only to whisper "Are those pesky readers still watching?" Mika grinned.

"Not for long."

"Good."

fade to black

* * *

_What, can't I give myself a birthday present? I'm turning sixteen incidentally! Woo! blows noisemaker Awesome, huh? Yay! Hence it is a chapter of self given gifts, both for me and you. But mostly for me. Hey, at least you don't have to unwrap anything!_


	11. Chapter 11

_Well, here you go folks! The thrilling conclusion!_

The morning dawned bright and early, and everyone woke up from the various places where they had hidden from the evil counselor person, coming out from under the beds, down from rafters in the ceiling, out of cupboards and, in Mika's case, out from under a blanket, which had caused the counselor no end of confusion ("Oh no! I thought I saw someone there, but it's only a blanket! I guess I'll ignore it and go look elsewhere!") And then they met up in the cabins to discuss their escape strategy.

"All right, have the perimeters been secured?" asked Sasuke.

"Sir yes sir!" said Kiba saluting.

"Oh? And just how secure are they private?" he snapped. "Drop and give me twenty!"

"Oh don't worry, i made sure she'll never find us." said Neji lazily. Meanwhile outside...

The counselor looked at the door. There was a sign on it that said "There's no one in here!"

"Well, they can't possibly be in here! Oh children, where are you?" she skipped off.

"Right then. We must discuss how to get out of here!" snapped Sasuke. "It must be a bold and daring plan! Some of you may not get out alive! But remember, we never leave a man behind!"

"Ah, some might say those two statements are mutually exclusive." volunteered Gaara.

"Shut up." snapped Sasuke. "Now, as I was saying, what we need to do, is get a distraction for the counselor and then sneak out the gates while she's not looking. Do i have any volunteers?" No one raised any hands. "Fine then. Lacking any volunteers, I am afraid that I will have to volunteer...Naruto."

"What? I'm not volunteering! Believe it!" snapped Naruto.

"Do you want to be a hokage?" asked Sasuke.

"Yes." said Naruto

"Do you want to surpass me?" he asked.

"Yes!"

Do you want to impress Hinata?"

"Yes yes yes! Believe it!"

"Then get out there and be the best distraction you can be!"

"Yes! I will be the best distraction ever! Super fox hokage away! BELIEVE IT!" yelled Naruto running out the door. They heard him yelling. "Hey counselor person! I bet you can't get me to do an activity!"

"YOU WILL MAKE LANYARDS OR I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!"

"Well, poor Naruto, we hardly knew him, now let's get going." said Sasuke, going out the door once the sounds of running had gone off in the other direction. They all headed down towards the gates, which were bedecked with smiley faces and, this is the important part, unlocked.

"Why bother with attack dogs and alarms when they leave the front gate wide open?" wondered Gaara. But before that plot messing up question could be answered, a blatant distraction arrived!

"Help me the scary counselor person is too fast!" yelled Naruto running past. "Help me Hinata!" he hid behind her.

"Ahah! There you all are! Now, you will all come with me and do activities! Activities are the law! Especially that annoyed loud blond one!" she said reaching for the cowering Naruto.

"Get away from my man you filthy harpy!" screamed Hinata smacking her over the head with a kunai. The counselor fell over.

"Ooh, look at the pretty stars." she muttered.

"Wow Hinata, that was unexpectedly heroic and very scary." said Sakura edging away.

"Alright Hinata! You beat the scary evil counselor monster! Yeah! Now let's go celebrate with ramen! Believe it!" yelled Naruto.

"There's no ramen here." said Mika. Naruto fell to his knees.

"NOOOOOOOO! WHY MUST YOU BE SO CRUEL WORLD?" he yelled.

"Oh, I have plenty of ramen. I stole it from the other campers that were here." said a mysterious voice.

"Damn it, not another mystery person who got here through strange circumstances! Doesn't anyone realize how impractical this is?" yelled Ino.

"What, you think I snuck onto the bus with you people? Yeesh, do you think i could sneak onto a bus full of highly trained ninja and not be noticed for the two hours it takes you to get here? That would just be silly. I was already here. I am the hermit of camp whatsit with the long name. I was tragically abandoned here long ago when the counselor ate all the rest of my group!"

"What? That's horrible! Really?" asked Sakura.

"No. Actually I slept late and missed the bus taking us out of here." she said. "Can I come with you?"

"Now hang on a minute, we don't even know you..." protested Neji.

"Sure you do. Or at least, Mika does." she said.

"WHAT?!"

"Oh yeah, I do, didn't I mention that?" asked Mika innocently. "So, what have you been doing lately?"

"Oh mostly stealing snacks from people and getting attacked by bad music. Still setting things on fire?"

"Of course!"

"So, I can come with you guys and get out of here right?"

"Wouldn't dream of leaving you behind." said Mika before Neji could protest again.

"Great then. We'd better hurry because the counselor is waking up..." But it was too late. The counselor leaped up, and pressed a button on a large remote control. The gates slammed shut.

"Bwahahaha! Now you are trapped here forever, to do activities! You will have to," but she was cut off by a large grapnel smacking her on the head and knocking her out again, and then people started climbing over the walls.

"Hey look, it's Kakashi and Gai sensei! Believe it!" yelled Naruto.

"Gai sensei!" screamed Lee tears pouring down his cheeks.

"Lee!" yelled Gai sensei. They struck a pose against the randomly appearing sunset ocean backdrop.

"So you finally came to rescue us?" asked Neji, dodging a ballistic rainbow, as Sasuke got drenched by a wave.

"No, your week at camp was up. Any longer and we would have had to pay extra." said Kakashi. "And that would mean less money for me to buy my umm, special novels with, so we came right away."

"Alright, that explains you, but what are they doing here?" asked Naji pointing to Orochimaru and the Akatsuki.

"I came to get Kabuto." said Orochimaru. "I hope you appreciate this by the way, you interrupted our slumber party! We were just painting our nails all pretty and purple see?" he said holding out a hand. "Itachi lent me the nail polish."

"And I'm just here as an obligatory appearance to appease my fangirls." said Itachi. "because we all know I'm so much prettier than Sasuke."

"You have insulted my prettiness! You die now!" said Sasuke whipping out a kunai.

"Oh stop it already." moaned Sakura plucking it from his grasp.

"Awww." muttered Sasuke.

"So then, can we get out of here?" before the counselor wakes up?" asked Mika.

"Yes! We'll fly away on my magical turtle!" yelled Gai. "Get on Lee!"

"Yes Gai sensei!"

"Ummm, yeah, the rest of us will just take the bus." muttered Kakashi shooing them towards the bus. And they all got on, and thus ended the worst week at camp ever so that the author can be lazy and not have to write long chapters anymore. Umm, I mean, for your reading pleasure I have concluded it. Or something. All good things must come to an end? runs away before people can throw tomatoes. go read some of my other fics now! Shoo!


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